You aren't actually helping!

 

- Granthika Manirao 

“Sit like a Lady, don’t cross your legs;

 Show some skin, what a slut;

 Put on some makeup, you look fake;

 Get skinny, don’t you ever eat?

 You’re so fat, stop eating

 Why does your hair look like that?

 Why do you have body hair?

 Why don’t you do something about your skin?

 Why aren’t you married yet?

 Having a child is what defines your life as a woman”

 

These kinds of questions and opinions sound annoying, don’t they? Imagine having to face these and even more on a daily basis, oh wait, you don’t have to imagine, this is reality, in lives of women on a daily basis. The worst part about it is that people who ask these questions justify it by simply saying “I was just trying to help because I care”.

 The “I just wanted to help”, is one of the most commonly used phrases, as an excuse for acting like a jerk to a person. Let’s take the basic example of a girl, who just faced something horrific, because some moron couldn’t keep it in his pants, okay, let’s not go to rape, even just cat-calling, which is the commonly undermined issue of society. Moreover, there are some people who also think it is a “compliment”, sick, isn’t it? So someone, male or a female, maybe a friend or a relative goes to that already traumatised girl, tells her that it happened because she’s dressed in a way that would make people think she is a girl of “that sort”, Yes, almost every woman’s constant question, What do they even mean by girl of “that sort?” a girl who lives by her own rules and choices? , the girl who wears clothes that she feels comfortable in? , the girl who is confident to raise her voice for something that she believes in?. No one knows the answer, but all they know is to demean her and her opinions by saying she is a girl of “that sort”. They don’t just stop there, it goes on like “I’m saying this for your sake because I care about you and I want to help you!”

Yeah right, “you just wanted to help”, yeah you didn’t try to manipulate that already self-loathing, heart-broken girl. This is termed as benevolent sexism, putting up an act of caring but just constantly exerting their sexist views into someone. This is nothing but emotional manipulation, it is no lesser than the actual one, maybe even worse. The worst part about this is the women of the society being misogynistic toward other women. This self-imposed misogynistic behaviour is the major catastrophe that’s prevailing almost everywhere among women. It’s just frustrating to know that the concept of unity is MISSING, like when would there be unity, when there is a similarity in caste, No, race, No, nationality, no, at least gender, Not at all! Just when?, Women are such beautiful human beings who just hide behind or imbibe themselves into the Fucked up, Misogyny.

When I say women are good, it’s not that I’m implying that men aren’t. People have got to understand that supporting something doesn’t make one hate the other side. But let me also make it clear, you supporting Presidents who are against the nature of any kind of beautiful love, I’m NOT sorry to say this, You are against HUMANITY, and that’s just messed up, it’s fine that you don’t support, but supporting something that’s just so out of line is not okay.

 As if all these issues weren’t enough, sexualising almost every single thing is another situation that a woman needs to face on a daily damn basis. Again, this isn’t done only by men, how many of you have noticed any middle-aged person judging you by the size of your clothes or by the number of guy friends you hang out with. I bet you can feel the judgemental look pierce through that exposed skin of yours. So exposure of thighs are considered as “asking for it”, exposure of shoulders are considered to be “distracting the boys” and all these counts into the consideration of “not raised by good parents”, but little do they know that the problem isn’t in the exposure of skin but the eyes, the perception of the beholder. Women are more than just their bodies so for god sake, STOP sexualising them.

 It is 2020 now, yes, there are women succeeding in every field, yet, I’m writing this with such wrath in my eyes, because, even now, there are so many parts of the world where women are being denied of basic human rights, I don’t think this sounds new to anyone anymore. In parts of Saudi Arabia, a woman is supposed to have a male guardian throughout her life, right from birth her life is controlled initially by her father and then her husband, or even a brother or a son. Again this is justified by, “we want to protect our women”. They aren’t allowed to go out without a male guardian, in most cases, just not allowed outside at all. We all know now how frustrating it is to not go out just for a few months, think about the state of women in countries like these.

Finally, the state of the society is that men, who respect other women, are called “simps” currently. Respecting a woman is considered as a disgrace to a man, isn’t this ugly?

Things need to change. Now.

Matters that need to be considered for making our society more aware of this and act accordingly are:

1. Stop telling our daughters to cover up, instead set the perceptions right in our sons from the very beginning.
2. Give them the basic lesson or information on consent.
3. If you can’t tolerate queer kids, don’t have children at all.
4. Understand and respect each person’s differences instead of judging them for it.
5. Know that all genders are equal instead of undermining them.

 

All these just based on Open-mindedness, a little bit of understanding, empathy and open-mindedness would go a long way in making this jungle of social animals get better.