Date rape ?!

- Anchita Thiagarajan

Yes, I am actually talking out about this. Even though we have just started talking about consent and forms of rapes, we often tend to miss this subset of acquaintance rape - date rape. 

Let's dissect the word itself first.

What is date?

DATE IS NOT CONSENT TO SEX OR ANY FORM OF SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP. date is a social meeting planned between two people who wants to get to know each other better and check their compatability. Dating may or may not lead to a romantic relationship later.

What is rape ?

Rape is any form of non consensual sexual realtionship between two people, here the sexual intercourse is non consensual and the perpetrator carries out the sexual intercourse against the will of the victim. The sexual intercourse does not only mean penetration, even non consensual kiss, oral or anal is also considered to be rape. And when the consent once given is withdrawn by either of the partner and if the other person does not stop, that is also rape.

Now that we know what is date and what is rape, let's go ahead with date rape.

This being a very niche subject, before going ahead we must have the knowledge of the infamous classification of the types of rape :

• Acquaintance rape

• Campus rape

• Corrective rape 

• LGBT victims

• Date rape

• Gang rape

• Genocidal rape

• Gray rape

• Live streaming rape

• Marital rape

• Prison rape

• Serial rape

• Statutory rape

• Unacknowledged rape

• Rape by deception

So what is date rape excatly ?

Well to quote wikipedia “The two phrases are often used interchangeably, but date rape specifically refers to a rape in which there has been some sort of romantic or potentially sexual relationship between the two parties.” This is hence a subset under the acquaintance rape category where the relationship between the victim and the perpetrator has been non- romantic or non-sexual. 

A very common feature of most of the date rapes is that the victim usually knows the perpetrator, and is less reported also. 

How does date rape happen?

Here the perpetrator may use physical or physiological means of intimidation to force the victim to have sexual relations with them, this can be intimidated with a photo or a video and is most often abused more than once. Another type is when the victim is unable to give consent, such as when the victim is intoxicated with drugs and alcohol. In this case the victim is neither in the best of their mental or physical capacity to give consent and is also unable to run away or cause physical harm to the perpetrator. 

Why is it still niche ?

In many countries due to cultural conception, date rapes are considered to be less serious than rape by a stranger due to the victim - perpetrator relation, and is often seen that in these countries, date rapes are the most prevalent due to the light nature of punishment. 

And mostly when I speak about this one thing that many young men and women tell is “well, they make this up to get attention!” and that is by far the most ignorant thought process of the young generation where they want sexual revolution and when it is being inconvenient to them they can just start their career as a conspiracy theorist.

 

India recorded an average of 87 rape cases daily in 2019 and overall 4,05,861 cases of crime against women during the year, a rise of over 7% from 2018. And out of this 87 rape cases per day, 84% of them know their perpetrator in some or other level which makes it a date rape or and acquaintance rape. Well if this is so prevalent then why aren't there people coming out against it, and talking more about why, why there not many articles or ted talk about it. The reason can be found in the viewership statistics of this article itself. Men don't want to listen because ignorance is bliss, and women don't want to complain to POSH authorities because their professional careers might be in line. Whatever the reason, it will never overweigh the amount of physical, psychological, emotional trauma that the victim will have to carry throughout their lives, which also has the probability of it affecting their future relationships with other people.  

So what can you do? How will you know if it is date rape or not?

I can literally shout this from the rooftops, CONSENT. The main and the very most important thing for any form of sexual relation to take place, be it oral, anal or penetrating, consent in every step of the way is important. And consent is not a one way street, once given consent can be withdrawn at any moment by any one of the partners if and when they feel uncomfortable. If one of them stops, stops having fun, time out, game over. Because sex is supposed to be something beautiful and fun between two people, or else why would it be called making love. 

And another fundamental way to stop date rapes is having consciousness, I am extremely ashamed to say this, but we still have a long way to address this issue as a major issue. As a country we only address rape and rape related cases when one case is chosen by the government controlled media to show us. We do candle march and write angry comments on twitter about capital punishment to the perpetrator and just forget it for the rest of the time, until it happens again in some other place, at some other time to some other person.

Women in our country and all over the world are not safe and it is not up for debate or competition, we get cat called so commonly that it is no more considered as a form of sexual harassment. We need to be more conscious about or surrounding, the memes we laugh to and the jokes we crack, because knowingly or unknowingly when our jokes or memes are being laughed on or liked, the outcome implants deeper in our cerebral cortex, and biology aside it is just a simple equation of positive response like laughing or liking the meme = repeated behaviour and normalisation of the topic. 

So what can you do?

Well if you know a person who is a victim, don't feel the need to always tail them, give them their space and check their behaviour, if it becomes self harming or threatening, take the help of a professional. Support them if they want abortion, its okay if they dont want to talk or if they cry. You must understand they have been through hell and back, and probably there is nothing you can say or do to make them feel better. Encourage them to meet or see a therapist and seek help. 

And if you know a perpetrator who is your friend, kindly please it is your duty to report them, it is not funny, it is not a joke, it is a person's life at stake. 

*here the victim and the perpetrator can be of any gender or sexuality, there is no confinement.